Duke Nukem Forever & Ever, Aliens Colonial Marines: Return To The Sulaco – What You Won’t Hear At Playstation2013

As we near the 6PM EST starting time for the possible reveal of the Playstation 4, everyone is talking about the exciting things that could get announced. Cloud gaming, mobile device support, backwards compatibility, the list is almost endless. However, with every man and his dog chasing factual rumors about the Playstation 4, we decided to take a look at the stuff that just isn’t going to happen. If any of the following is announced I will happily humiliate myself on Youtube, requests will be taken.

Duke Nukem Forever…& Ever. Yes, that’s right, tonight we’re going to hear about a sequel to what many consider to be one of the worst games of all time. Duke will be back is his testosterone fueled muscle fest but this time he won’t be alone. Supporting intense 6-player co-op Duke Nukem Forever & Ever will allow multiple users to stream the game through their mobile device, while playing alongside their console buddies. Extra Ego Boosts will be given if multiple players urinate in separate toilets at the same time and the ability to microwave your allies weapons, drastically increasing the quality of the sound effects, will also be available. Power Armor will also return but this time Duke realizes he’s become an utter joke and decides to equip it before blasting into the skies towards what appears to be a giant ring.

Aliens Colonial Marines: Return To The Sulaco. Well, we’ve already reinvented one dead franchise, and thanks to a recent release, Aliens is going the way of the Dodo as well. Gearbox will announce that they have removed every member of staff from the Aliens Colonial Marines: Return To The Sulaco team, instead putting them to work with a new Aliens game for iOS. In the mean time they’re going to hire a single new developer with extensive copy and paste experience to add the demo contents to the real game, making it actually enjoyable. Can you imagine that?

The list could go on. It’s an exciting event for sure but it’s not as exciting as the latest Gamer Grub sweepstakes! Do you want to win a portable GAEMS Vanguard gaming system, a signed copy of the recently released Noobz movie and several cases of Gamer Grub? All you have to do is like us on Facebook, it’s that easy! For more information click here.